Tightly Wound

Yesterday I had the worst panic attack I've experienced in years. It's not at all surprising, being the culmination of a steady-simmer, fulminating anxiety that's been hanging around since, jesus i dunno since when. Months now. But now I am afraid of trains and I can't go to work. It's 6AM and I'm wide awake, actually feeling somewhat alright, after having failed to get to sleep because of the racing heartbeat and stiff chest. I was debating going to the hospital, but it seems like such a hassle. I called various medical establishments today, to try to set up an appointment or consultation, or something, but one said "we don't take your insurance" and hung up and the others were all booked or their admitting attendant wasn't in until Monday. I love American healthcare. i used to have a prescription for Klonopin and would take one if a panic attack manifested itself, but I let the prescription run out because I felt better and the pills themselves had a kind of anxiety attached to them. but I could sure use one right now, chamomile tea only gets you so far. I'd just like to sleep. That'd really be nice. Yeah.